Hi again. I know it’s been a while but I’m back with a sorta new thing…
Pre/During-Pandemic I used to have a form on my old website where I took questions about life and responded in an advice column fashion. I had a really great time doing it and I want to do it again but more seriously (I think) this time.
Before I knew what I wanted to do or be, I used to read advice columns while sitting in my newspaper class in High School. I would go to the Washington Post website, fully intent on reading the news, but gravitate to Carolyn Hax’s column.
I read Dear Sugar every day and Cheryl Strayed quickly became one of my favorite writers. I think weekly about her response on “The Ghost Ship That Didn’t Carry Us”.
Advice columns scratched an itch in my younger self that other writing did not. It was the idea of someone being on the other line, not knowing anything about you, and still being able to give a truly empathetic and beautiful response. The prose comes second but it still comes, you know? I love that.
I love a completely open field where people come and open up to each other with no qualms. I like how messy and scary it sometimes is. I like sitting down and writing and knowing it’s going out to someone.
I’m a weirdo too that spends a lot of time reading and answering advice questions on Reddit. I’m obviously not a qualified individual when it comes to advice, but I like to put myself in the position of being the stranger who responds.
So, here I am, being the stranger that responds. Or since you know me, Casey on substack who responds.
Please write questions and advice-seeking thoughts on this form.
I’ll leave you with a submission my response from Feb 17th 2021 below.
Hi! I usually don’t really vent to anyone except for my therapist and my journal lol but why not try this; recently my life has not been the best, just when I thought it was going to get better after my great grandma died it got so much worse.
My depression and anxiety has gotten really bad and I’ve just found out that I have agoraphobia. A lot of people think agoraphobia is being scared of going outside and people seeing you because you’re insucure but really it’s so much more. I’ve tried explaining it to my mom but I just don’t know how to put it into words, I just don’t want people to see me even if it’s just taking out the trash or walking the dogs, I don’t think it’s because I’m insecure but I really don’t know why I feel this way.
A few days ago my mom got mad at me for making the house a mess when in reality it’s because she decided to get drunk off of two bottles of wine and trash the house, she freaks out on my all the time and honestly it’s makes me feel horrible and my depression worse. It’s gotten to the point of when she I doesn’t I don’t even say anything back to her in fear of the argument getting worse. After she freaked out on me I just went into my room and wrote in my journal and just cried. I wondered if my life will ever get better, if I will ever be content, I just want my dreams to come true. I want to meet my soulmate and become a writer or working for a publishing company but my really big dream is to become an actress, I picture walking the red carpet of my first movie premiere in some sort of designer dress with my soulmate beside me. I’m just so scared my dreams won’t come true and I’ll die alone and unsuccessful. I want to be a great well known actress but because of the agoraphobia I would never want to deal with paparazzi or the drama with everyone being in my business.
I also hope I can meet the love of my life when I older, I probably think of this so much because of my parents divorce and my daddy issues. I believe in love (probably because of all of the Jane Austen and other romance novels I’ve read) so I hope I can find my true love I can get married to and maybe have kids with and stuff. I think I have more to say but I can’t think of it right now so thank you for reading this if you did and I hope you have a great day! -A xx
Hey A,
You will be content and your life will get better. I am sure of it.
It sounds like you’re taking the right steps right now if you’re seeing a therapist and talking to others (me!) about how you’re feeling. I know mental illness can be tough. My OCD has gotten much worse over the last year but we’re all in this declining mental health hell together. I don’t think anyone is doing 100% right now. But let’s talk about you and where you’re at.
I’m not sure how old you are but it sounds like you live with your mom and living with family can be hard when you’re dealing with internal struggles. They are our blood but it doesn’t mean they can see and understand everything that’s going on under our skin and in our heads. When we can’t change the current situation, sometimes it’s best to put our heads down and get through it. It sounds like you’re in the right place journaling and letting yourself be sad instead of holding it in. That tells me that you are strong and self aware and you will get through this tough time.
I’ve never dealt with agoraphobia but from what I know, it’s hard as hell and very real. Something I struggle with with my OCD thoughts is just getting mad that they exist and wanting to be “normal”. My therapist tells me that I’m never going to be “normal” so I’ve just got to deal with the discomfort sometimes. That’s a hard reality to face but it’s okay, the world is with you here on this journey. Therapy helps and medications helps and with science and resources, there are ways to improve. Being kind to yourself in these less than ideal moments is so important. Things might be bad right now, but they will get better. Mental illness can be all consuming but like most everything, it wanes and it waxes. Your in a waning period right now but you will wax again. You will be stronger than you can even imagine yourself to be right now.
In terms of your dreams, I love them. Dreams are dreams because we can visualize ourselves doing them- there is no reason not for them to come true. If you can see yourself doing something then you can definitely do it. The path there might be hairy but nothing is easy. In highschool I pictured myself like I am right now, being an adult, sitting in my own condo, writing. But I never wanted to go to college and didn’t think I could do it with my anxiety and my struggles with regular schooling. But hey- I got through it. Now I get to sit at my little kitchen table, drink a glass of whiskey, and talk to you.
I gotta tell you this- you will fall in love. There is no doubt about it. So don’t worry too much about that one. For now, do what makes you happy, but let yourself grieve the hard moments. Keep getting up, keep journaling, keep dreaming. You’re doing all the right things and it’s really only going to get better. I’m thinking of you.
Casey
PS- my grandmother died in 2017 suddenly. It was not easy but time really does help. The spirits of kind, lovely people really do live on within us everyday.