Today's Encouragement
A message from a past entry-writer
This morning I woke up feeling insecure about opening my advice line back up. Then I checked my form and had this response that warmed my half-awake heart with reassurance. It’s from someone who wrote in to my website in Feburary 2021.
Here’s what they said:
“So you actually answered a question I asked you 3-4 years ago now. It was pre-vaccine covid and I was living in my parents' tiny condo living room with zero privacy. I was unemployed and never passed the road test and everything just felt helpless. I couldn't imagine a world where I was able to get out of there but through your advice, reminding me that I had the agency and motivation to change my circumstances, you helped me get to the realization that I could get out of there. You don't have to publish this- I just wanted to update you. I passed my road test. I got a good job that I love. And a couple months ago, I signed the lease for my own apartment. It's less than ideal (noisy, old, occasional bugs) but every day I come home to a place that's truly mine. I never got the chance to thank you, so I wanted to take that opportunity now. I think about it every now and then. I'm not always great at it but I try to keep my head up and heart open. My life has really been flooded with good things since then. Your advice helped.”
This was so affirming. I wanted to share with y’all and also share their original question and my answer from 2021. You can find it below.
And again, feel free to write in here!
2/23/21 - Driving with a Crush
Keeping this totally anonymous, hope you understand. You seem really understanding and non-judgmental.
So thing one is I have never passed the road test. Four times failing and gave up. I can't really afford a car either. On top of that, I lost my job and had to move back in with my parents. Only they moved and I don't have a bedroom there, I sleep in the living room and get my (honestly not enough) alone time in a spot as cozy as I can make it in the unfinished basement. I'm always in a mild state of discomfort and this is not an ideal situation for a 23 year old of course.
Thing two is I started crushing on someone recently. We have a class together and joke back and forth. I like him. No idea how he feels about me, but his efforts to make me laugh tell me there is something there.
But I am totally ashamed of my situation. It does not lend itself to dating, I don't think. No car, no job, not even my own room. Having to explain all that if we did get closer. I feel like all those things are disqualifying in a dating candidate yknow? I hate that my situation holds me back and keeps me from experiencing things.
What do I do?
Hey there, thanks for reaching out to me- I really do hope to be that non judgmental and understanding source for you.
I can’t tell you how many people I know that don’t have a driver’s license and probably don’t plan on getting one. This might just be because I live in a city but I really feel like being able to drive and have your own car isn’t as much of a “thing” anymore. Lyfts and Ubers seems to be everywhere and biking is an amazing option. You could frame it around being eco-friendly and reducing your carbon footprint. There’s not need to be ashamed of this- sometimes driving just isn’t for some people and that’s okay! And hopefully we’re all moving away from a mega car metropolis society anyways.
And with living with your parents- there is ZERO shame in that. Especially right now. You are young, the world is in crisis, no one expects anyone to be completely on top of their game right now. And hey- even if you lived with your parent by choice- who cares? The mild state of discomfort is what sucks here, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. But know that this too shall pass. The whole world is shifting under our feet right now and we just gotta hold on and brace ourselves until things settle again. You’ll definitely get another job and be able to get a comfy place of your own soon again.
And for the crush- crushes are wonderful. Might I say, the best. In my experience, things like this just work out if they’re meant to be regardless of circumstance. Love and crushes and happiness have their way of sneaking in and sneaking up on you even if the surrounding situation is less than ideal. Go for it. Talk to him. Put yourself out there and own it. If he likes you and you like him, he won’t care- he will like you and lift you up rather than judge you on some unspoken dating qualification questionnaire. So I really really think there are no worries here.
I know it sounds cheesy, but keep your head up. When we are looking up, and opening ourselves up to positive things, there is no way those wonderful things won’t come our way. Keep your arms open, let love run into them. You have the power and motivation to change the circumstance and you will, maybe not at the present moment but that’s okay. It will come like all things do.
Thanks for everyone’s support so far and I hope to hear from you soon!
Casey
You’re a really nice person, Casey, wise beyond your years. What a good feeling it must be to know that your positive and heartfelt response made a tangible difference in a stranger’s life.